My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
