fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
