i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
