Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Randomize
