fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
