I wish my penis had an off switch
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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