I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
