Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
