Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize