Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
