i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
