i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
