There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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