Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
