tell your sister to shave her snatch
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
