In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
