we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
