i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
