best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
