you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
