Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
