I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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