How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I am mentally ready for anal.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
