This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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