Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I have already put on my inside pants.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
