Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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