Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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