On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You need Xanax blowdarts
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
