OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize