My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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