At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I want her autograph on my taint
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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