Are we in a gay sports bar?
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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