i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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