Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize