Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
