Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
