This girl is more easily done than said...
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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