this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
