im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
