Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
