Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize