OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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