I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
