it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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