you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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