he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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