He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
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