Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Randomize
