come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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