I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
So squirting runs in the family.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
