Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize