u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
My ass is underappreciated
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Randomize
