i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
