Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
