Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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