You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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