Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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