I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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