They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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