I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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