I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
