apparently the secret to your success is patron
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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