i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
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