Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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