Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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