So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Randomize
