Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm getting married
To pizza
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
