Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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