ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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