Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
