Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize