kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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