saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
