I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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