I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
