U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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