ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
