i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
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