how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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