theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
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