So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
