She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
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