I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize