Ambien. No doubt about it.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
