I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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