hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
The beer is more important than you right now.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You made out with two different species that night
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
You ate ashes out of my bong
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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