I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
