my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
