I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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