That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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