She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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