Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
