ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
