I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
You left your phone here
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