I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
