Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize