It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
