Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
