Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
im holly from the hills drunk
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
