I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
